Every Bird I See Will Be Part Of You

In January 2020 my soul mate, Karen, went to Switzerland to die. She took her decision in July 2019 as paralysis moved through her body from secondary progressive multiple sclerosis. By December she was in insufferable pain and unable to move. As a response to my own experience I took photographs during this time. They are presented here as a process of trying to remember and to forget.  

I am happy now.
A year ago, I wanted to die.
Life was good.
In 1993 Karen lost the use of her legs.
I was successful.
It was relapsing remitting Multiple Sclerosis.
It remits.
Her legs partially recovered
We had fun
It relapses.
Each time she got worse.
I hugged her.
Her legs stopped working.
I adored her.
Her lips and breasts lost all feeling.
I moved in the bed.
She screamed with spasm pain.
Everywhere I sought a cure.
I held her gently.
Secondary progressive came on board.
It remits no more. 

Paralysis smothered her body.
I screamed.
The doctors gave up.
I worked harder.
Research followed a dying snail.
New horrors came each month.
Friends left.
I wanted to die.
Ten years before Karen tried.
I laughed and cried.
Karen decided to die.
She could not move.
Pain was all that remained.
She died.
I cried and cried and cry.
I wanted to die.
I live. 

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